Parenting, I've said it before and I'll say it over and over again I'm sure, its HARD! My 16 year old daughter who was having so many issues last year is now doing online school (with many stipulations) she is getting all A's and B's, she has a car that she is taking excellent care of and she is working a lot too. She communicates with me and seems to really be figuring life out! Who knew? I have definitely made mistakes as a mom with her, many in fact, but I've had to have done some things right, right? So for those of you who are going through something similar there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
She would tell you she is the way she is in spite of me probably at this point, but I see myself in her. My stubbornness, my work ethic, even my kindness. She would never like to admit it but she's my mini me. I'll admit she's much smarter than I was at her age, I mean I was already pregnant with her! She's amazing though, even when we were struggling I kept telling myself how great she was under all the bad decisions. How smart and sweet when it wasn't involving me, apparently I'm the only issue lol.
Now, on that note I have an 11 year old daughter about to come up on these same issues in a few years so, I'm sure I'll have to read this blog myself to feel better about the near future. She too is stubborn, has a huge heart, and is too smart for her own good. You know once they hit a certain age they realize you don't know everything which is short lived until they decide you don't know anything! Then they are the only ones with all the answers, I've learned not to argue with them. They'll eventually figure it out that they're not always right. It takes a few years though.
Then there's my sweet innocent little 9 year old boy who would never do anything wrong, ever. (insert eye roll) I haven't raised a boy but I can imagine that's not true. But we'll see maybe he'll learn from the mistakes of his sisters? One can hope!
Then there's divorce, I've been divorced for a little over a year now and this co parenting is rough! No matter how I try and communicate its pretty much nonexistent. I do think that's a whole other blog post though!
Thursday, January 5, 2017
Friday, April 15, 2016
We do so much and receive so little
I question a lot lately if this parenting thing will ever become rewarding, but the truth is, I didn't say "I want to have kids so that I can be rewarded at some point in my life for it." No, I had kids because I wanted to have kids, I wanted to share my love and life with these little mini beings that resemble me. It's freaking hard! I think we give so much to them in hopes that they'll see our generosity, respect, our faith and love and use it in their own lives. I know, personally, I want them to see me act that way and immediately pick up on it and treat myself and others that way, but it takes time! At least I hope. I do sometimes see them exhibit this kindness and respect towards others, but definitely not towards me. Maybe someday if I'm lucky, for now treating others that way is the best I can wish for.
I guess ultimately our reward as parents is watching our children grow to be kind and respectful to others. To watch them fall in love and give something back to this world we brought them into. Hopefully, something amazing, something that will help to change the world. Even if that something is to volunteer their time to help the less fortunate, or to help to save lives. Or even if just to hold the door for the elderly woman behind them. And most important their happiness, above all else happiness is what we all strive for and to see my children grown and happy with their life choices would be the ultimate reward.
In the mean time I'm going to grit my teeth and bare it, maybe cry a little from time to time (or a lot)
I guess ultimately our reward as parents is watching our children grow to be kind and respectful to others. To watch them fall in love and give something back to this world we brought them into. Hopefully, something amazing, something that will help to change the world. Even if that something is to volunteer their time to help the less fortunate, or to help to save lives. Or even if just to hold the door for the elderly woman behind them. And most important their happiness, above all else happiness is what we all strive for and to see my children grown and happy with their life choices would be the ultimate reward.
In the mean time I'm going to grit my teeth and bare it, maybe cry a little from time to time (or a lot)
Sunday, February 21, 2016
My Short Comings
I am not perfect! Are you? I don't know a perfect mother, even my own mother, as amazing as I think she is has her flaws and made mistakes with my sister and I growing up. Bottom line, there is no instruction manual for raising a child and the reason is simple. No 2 children are the same, each has there own individual personality, their own wants, and even their own expectations of how they think we should be as parents. I have 3 children my oldest is by far the most stubborn and hard headed. She is also the most independent, shes very smart about the world around her and very opinionated about that world. Don't you dare disagree with that opinion because you will loose, even if you're right! I've told her she should be a lawyer, of course she thinks that's a terrible career choice (insert eye roll.)
My middle daughter is one of the most affectionate children you'll ever meet and gets her feelings hurt very easily. She's not the cleanest child in the world, but what she lacks in cleanliness she makes up for in cuddles! She loves animals and has already decided at the tender age of 10 that she wants to be a veterinarian. Who knows maybe she'll do just that, or maybe she'll change her mind? I think it's pretty incredible that shes so aware of a career choice at all.
And my son, not sure if it's because he's a boy or the baby or both but he is laid back, quiet, chill and very clean and organized. I think they are all super smart and pretty amazing but yes, I treat them differently. I treat them differently because they are different people! My oldest thinks I mistreated her by having her help with the other 2 when they were younger, but she liked the responsibility at the time, she was always wanting to help. Of coarse she'll tell you now that she changed all of her sisters diapers! Although, I'm sure she did get little attention once my son was born because I had 2 kids in diapers one being a new born baby and she was 7 years old and had been able to dress herself in matching clothes, might I add, since she was 3! She's always been mature for her age. But I should have made it a point to spend more time with her back then. I was a young mother and didn't know any better. I regret that, now that she's 15 and going to be on her own soon I wish I would have cherished my time with her and used it more wisely! Once middle school started she and I grew apart, she got new friends and boys were very interesting to her and I was no longer in her line of sight. I shook it off as, "she's a teenager, that's just how they act" so I let her have her space to explore this new found world. I let her go out with friends and spend the night with friends and when I did try to spend time with her it was always, "ugh mom, I'm busy, or don't touch me," unless I was spending money on her, of course. As time went on the further and further apart we grew and it felt like the harder I tried the harder she pushed. So I gave up, I gave up on trying to bond with my daughter because she didn't want me. Then the only way I knew how to show her I loved her was to buy her things, she has a lot of things. Of course it was never enough or it wasn't the right things or the right size or something, there was always something wrong with every action I applied to our relationship. How does one handle that? This little girl growing into a woman who wants nothing to do with her mother, definitely wants nothing to do with any advise from her mother. How do you fix that.....
My middle daughter is one of the most affectionate children you'll ever meet and gets her feelings hurt very easily. She's not the cleanest child in the world, but what she lacks in cleanliness she makes up for in cuddles! She loves animals and has already decided at the tender age of 10 that she wants to be a veterinarian. Who knows maybe she'll do just that, or maybe she'll change her mind? I think it's pretty incredible that shes so aware of a career choice at all.
And my son, not sure if it's because he's a boy or the baby or both but he is laid back, quiet, chill and very clean and organized. I think they are all super smart and pretty amazing but yes, I treat them differently. I treat them differently because they are different people! My oldest thinks I mistreated her by having her help with the other 2 when they were younger, but she liked the responsibility at the time, she was always wanting to help. Of coarse she'll tell you now that she changed all of her sisters diapers! Although, I'm sure she did get little attention once my son was born because I had 2 kids in diapers one being a new born baby and she was 7 years old and had been able to dress herself in matching clothes, might I add, since she was 3! She's always been mature for her age. But I should have made it a point to spend more time with her back then. I was a young mother and didn't know any better. I regret that, now that she's 15 and going to be on her own soon I wish I would have cherished my time with her and used it more wisely! Once middle school started she and I grew apart, she got new friends and boys were very interesting to her and I was no longer in her line of sight. I shook it off as, "she's a teenager, that's just how they act" so I let her have her space to explore this new found world. I let her go out with friends and spend the night with friends and when I did try to spend time with her it was always, "ugh mom, I'm busy, or don't touch me," unless I was spending money on her, of course. As time went on the further and further apart we grew and it felt like the harder I tried the harder she pushed. So I gave up, I gave up on trying to bond with my daughter because she didn't want me. Then the only way I knew how to show her I loved her was to buy her things, she has a lot of things. Of course it was never enough or it wasn't the right things or the right size or something, there was always something wrong with every action I applied to our relationship. How does one handle that? This little girl growing into a woman who wants nothing to do with her mother, definitely wants nothing to do with any advise from her mother. How do you fix that.....
Thursday, January 7, 2016
A little premature
I was 16 when I became pregnant with my first child. I had only been with her dad for a few months, which in teen time is forever and we were so in love! I wasn't necessarily a bad kid, but I wasn't a straight A student with huge plans for my future either. When I found out I was pregnant I had mixed emotions, a baby is amazing, they're so cute and cuddly, but I also knew they were a lot of work! I told her dad first of course, crying to him about not knowing what to do. I knew I couldn't terminate the pregnancy, but I'm so young I haven't finished high school, what is my family going to say? He was 17, he had no bright future or plans either, I think he was excited for this baby? He told me not to worry, that he'd always be there to help and we would make this work! I felt hopeful that everything would be ok and we would be a happy family in the near future.
My older sister found out first and told my mom, who was pretty disappointed in me, and nervous to tell my dad, so was I! He wasn't a strict man or had he ever given me any reason to be scared of him, but disappointment was eminent. We waited as long as we could wait to tell him and he did not hesitate to make his disappointment known, but he was more than supportive in my decision to raise her and love her. I learned that day what unconditional love feels like, my mom has always been very obvious of her love for me, as I think most moms are, but my dad, my dad is a very quiet man. Him being there for me in this very trying time in my life and supporting my decisions meant more than any words he could ever say!
Then there were my grandparents, my dads parents, they are pretty religious and I was concerned about how they would feel about the situation. I was too scared to tell them in person so I wrote them a letter explaining everything and praying that they would except my situation. They too were more than supportive. They offered to babysit so I could finish high school and did just that and more for me to help me have a future.
Once I knew I had all of this amazing support my outlook changed dramatically! I'm going to be a mother! I will be 17 years old and I will be a mother! I wanted to know everything about this little creature growing inside of me. I wanted to cherish every second of her inside my belly I read every book I could on the subject of being pregnant. I skipped the pregnancy diet one though, I just ate and ate and ate thinking I needed lots of extra food to help her grow (don't do that by the way). I remember being so excited when my belly started to grow and show, it was a little embarrassing going to school with this, more than obvious, sign that I have had sex. None the less, I was still happy, happy feeling her first kicks and finding out that she was in fact a she! I had so many visions of her future and the amazing person she would be! My beautiful little girl, with this whole big amazing life ahead of her! Worried for all the bad in this world that could hurt her, physically and emotionally.
The day she was born my water broke at home and I went straight to the hospital. Her dad, my mom and dad all in attendance as I painfully pushed this amazingly gorgeous little girl out of my body. And there she was, more beautiful and sweeter than I had imagined. Every emotion possible flooding my system at once with one simple glance in my direction, I did this, I grew this being in my body! God chose me to take care of this little person, that's a huge responsibility! I work at McDonalds, I haven't even finished high school. I haven't even thought about college, it's always been irrelevant to me. People survive without going to college right? I have to go to college, I have to provide everything possible for this beautiful little girl of mine. She is my responsibility, everything I do now is for her, her happiness and well being are my top priorities!
I brought her home, to my parents house, and never once relied on my parents to take care of her for me. Maybe once in a while here and there but she was my baby, my little girl. They did help financially and my grandparents babysat so I could finish my senior year of high school. I had a lot of help emotionally from my family because her dad, he wasn't ready to be a dad. He thought he was but when it came to actually taking care of her he was gone, and it didn't take too long for our relationship to end. I wanted him to grow up and take care of his daughter and for us to be a family. He wanted to be a kid and ignore his responsibilities. Well, I of course didn't have a choice, but if I did I would have chosen her, I guess ultimately I did choose her! I could have left her with my mom for her to raise while I went out and partied and stayed a kid, but in my mind I never had a choice, she was my everything, my reason for living! I'm not saying I was perfect, I definitely made mistakes, but ultimately it always came down to what was best for my little girl!
The next couple years her dad picked and chose when to see her, drugs were his main priority, and that made me most sad for her to not have her father in her life as a stable relationship. This made me feel guilty that I couldn't give her that. I'm already failing as her mother, I can't even give her a father that will be there for her and show her the kind of love my father showed me.
With help from my family I started nursing school, I wanted to help bring babies into the world! Shortly after that I met David, and her dad pretty much disappeared from our lives. I finished nursing school and David and I had a baby together and got married! When she was 5ish David adopted her quite easily since her father hadn't seen her or paid child support in over 2 years. We didn't even have to ask permission. She loved him, and he treated her as his own flesh and blood, no questions asked!!
Theres much more to this whole "motherhood" thing than meets the eye, I have a lot more to say but not today. Stay tuned!
My older sister found out first and told my mom, who was pretty disappointed in me, and nervous to tell my dad, so was I! He wasn't a strict man or had he ever given me any reason to be scared of him, but disappointment was eminent. We waited as long as we could wait to tell him and he did not hesitate to make his disappointment known, but he was more than supportive in my decision to raise her and love her. I learned that day what unconditional love feels like, my mom has always been very obvious of her love for me, as I think most moms are, but my dad, my dad is a very quiet man. Him being there for me in this very trying time in my life and supporting my decisions meant more than any words he could ever say!
Then there were my grandparents, my dads parents, they are pretty religious and I was concerned about how they would feel about the situation. I was too scared to tell them in person so I wrote them a letter explaining everything and praying that they would except my situation. They too were more than supportive. They offered to babysit so I could finish high school and did just that and more for me to help me have a future.
Once I knew I had all of this amazing support my outlook changed dramatically! I'm going to be a mother! I will be 17 years old and I will be a mother! I wanted to know everything about this little creature growing inside of me. I wanted to cherish every second of her inside my belly I read every book I could on the subject of being pregnant. I skipped the pregnancy diet one though, I just ate and ate and ate thinking I needed lots of extra food to help her grow (don't do that by the way). I remember being so excited when my belly started to grow and show, it was a little embarrassing going to school with this, more than obvious, sign that I have had sex. None the less, I was still happy, happy feeling her first kicks and finding out that she was in fact a she! I had so many visions of her future and the amazing person she would be! My beautiful little girl, with this whole big amazing life ahead of her! Worried for all the bad in this world that could hurt her, physically and emotionally.
The day she was born my water broke at home and I went straight to the hospital. Her dad, my mom and dad all in attendance as I painfully pushed this amazingly gorgeous little girl out of my body. And there she was, more beautiful and sweeter than I had imagined. Every emotion possible flooding my system at once with one simple glance in my direction, I did this, I grew this being in my body! God chose me to take care of this little person, that's a huge responsibility! I work at McDonalds, I haven't even finished high school. I haven't even thought about college, it's always been irrelevant to me. People survive without going to college right? I have to go to college, I have to provide everything possible for this beautiful little girl of mine. She is my responsibility, everything I do now is for her, her happiness and well being are my top priorities!
I brought her home, to my parents house, and never once relied on my parents to take care of her for me. Maybe once in a while here and there but she was my baby, my little girl. They did help financially and my grandparents babysat so I could finish my senior year of high school. I had a lot of help emotionally from my family because her dad, he wasn't ready to be a dad. He thought he was but when it came to actually taking care of her he was gone, and it didn't take too long for our relationship to end. I wanted him to grow up and take care of his daughter and for us to be a family. He wanted to be a kid and ignore his responsibilities. Well, I of course didn't have a choice, but if I did I would have chosen her, I guess ultimately I did choose her! I could have left her with my mom for her to raise while I went out and partied and stayed a kid, but in my mind I never had a choice, she was my everything, my reason for living! I'm not saying I was perfect, I definitely made mistakes, but ultimately it always came down to what was best for my little girl!
The next couple years her dad picked and chose when to see her, drugs were his main priority, and that made me most sad for her to not have her father in her life as a stable relationship. This made me feel guilty that I couldn't give her that. I'm already failing as her mother, I can't even give her a father that will be there for her and show her the kind of love my father showed me.
With help from my family I started nursing school, I wanted to help bring babies into the world! Shortly after that I met David, and her dad pretty much disappeared from our lives. I finished nursing school and David and I had a baby together and got married! When she was 5ish David adopted her quite easily since her father hadn't seen her or paid child support in over 2 years. We didn't even have to ask permission. She loved him, and he treated her as his own flesh and blood, no questions asked!!
Theres much more to this whole "motherhood" thing than meets the eye, I have a lot more to say but not today. Stay tuned!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)